Stay Tuned…

I’ve gone and planted a fucking seed now haven’t I? The whole not being his only girl seed. I don’t think I’m the only girl The Director is talking to. Things have definitely changed.

Once upon a time my ticks would turn blue the very second I sent him a message. There were many times I unlocked my phone after being away from it for half an hour or so, sent a message to him and the ticks would still turn blue immediately. That meant he was already looking for me – waiting for me to message him. Kinda creepy I know but at the same time, I found it kinda cute. It was actually quite nice knowing he was waiting for me… Like I was worth waiting for. You know…?

It’s not like that anymore. He’ll be online but those blue ticks will take forever to come through. I don’t know about you but that says to me that he’s in another chat box with someone else. I know I’m jumping to some serious conclusions here but I can’t help but think it’s one of those girls he recently ‘friended’. What makes it worst is it’s all my own fault because I have played it seriously cool. Like super cool. Cool as fuck cool. He told me plenty of times he never knew where he stood with me. Just as I’ve said it a few times with him. Maybe if I’d have been slightly more upfront with the way I felt about a few more things, I wouldn’t be sat here wondering who else he’s chatting up while he’s no longer chatting up me.

Sometimes I wonder if he’s keeping me on the side. I’m the girl who can make his business better. I’ve already proved that on multiple occasions so far. I’m also the girl who can suck his dick like no other. Those were his words by the way. So were, “You’re the best sex I’ve ever had!” I know, tooting my own horn. Whatever. I’m good at it.

But is that it for him? Is that all? The funky-haired girl who can do those things plus cook, clean and massage his shoulders when he’s feeling tense? Is that all I am?

At the same time, what is he for me? Do I like him as much as I think I do? Or do I just like the idea of him. The dangerous guy who’s a big teddy bear for me? Most of the time? When he’s not being a dousche. He’s made it aware he’s having more than a few drinks tonight so I guess we’ll find out. To fight or not to fight… That’s the question. What’s his answer gonna be?

Irrespective of all of those things, I’m still a fucking hypocrite. I blew my Twirtation out and he read my last post but we still haven’t stopped talking. Technically, I’m doing the same thing I’m accusing The Director of… Aren’t I?

It’s funny though. Just to interrupt myself mid-flow. I had a thought to myself in bed last night. I wondered if he would blow me out this weekend if the prospect of something better were to come along. He just did. Like right as I’m writing this. Our Friday night date has now been swapped for Saturday night. That’s all I’ll say for now. But I have a theory about how this is gonna go.

Stay tuned…